Jude Bellingham says it felt like his world collapsed after England lost the European Championship final this summer.
The Real Madrid star has opened up about the pain he felt after the Three Lions' defeat to Spain, saying he felt like a scapegoat by fans and media, who he insists pushed the line with some of their reporting of respect has exceeded.
Speaking at Anfield on Wednesday evening ahead of the European champions' clash with Liverpool, Bellingham insisted his 'smile is back' after a difficult few months.
“I have to be honest, I think I lost my smile a lot after the European Championship when it came to playing for England because I felt like I was being abused a bit compared to what I contributed,” said the 21-year-old Galactico. “I felt like some of it was a little harsh on me.
'I felt like I was a bit of a scapegoat. Maybe I felt a little sorry for myself. The last (England) camp with a lot of new faces really brought out the joy in my game again and I think you can see that in the two games.
“Overall, I haven't lost my smile in the Madrid shirt. I get annoyed when we lose and I get frustrated, but it's never a matter of not being happy. I'm the happiest boy in the world. I get to play week in and week out for the biggest club in the world and represent my country. The smile is back.'
Bellingham, who was La Liga's player of the season last season with 19 goals and six assists, has failed to match those dizzying heights this year with just two strikes. But he added: 'For me, pressure is not a problem.
'I understand that when I play for Real Madrid, expectations will be high for me wherever I go with the national team. I felt like I contributed some pretty big moments and in the end it felt like the whole world was crumbling down on me after the European Championships.
'One of the biggest criticisms of me was that I didn't speak to the media, that I didn't want to hold press conferences. That was reported in a way that made it seem like I was above it, which is not the case at all. There were some personal things going on.
“Journalists went to visit my family while I was at the tournament, went to visit my grandparents and I kept that to myself. I don't think that's fair. I think this crosses the line of respect.
'That's where I took it a bit personally and decided I was going to concentrate on football and try to let that speak for itself rather than talking in the press to people who apparently don't respect me. That was something for me. Family comes first.
“My grandma wouldn't leave her house all summer, bless her. Maybe I should have communicated that earlier so people understood my situation, but that was a bit more personal so I decided to keep my mouth shut.
'Criticism is part of the game and I know how to accept it, but when it feels personal it gives you a new challenge to keep silencing people. That's something I've had to deal with since I was very young when I came into the Birmingham first team.
'Then people aren't sure if you're ready. You take those little things and you try to use it as motivation. Like I said, it's not something I'm really worried about. I understand it's part of the game.'
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