WHAT is German for 'Dr. Tottenham will see you now?'
This self-deprecation is used by Spurs fans to make fun of themselves when their team somehow loses to a team in hopeless form.
They started doing it after Crystal Palace secured their first win of the season against their side on October 27, and then again after November's shock home defeat to winless Ipswich.
Want to find a win from scratch? Doctor Tottenham's office, please.
Expect a repeat prescription when boss Ange Postecoglou's walking wounded end up at Hoffenheim tomorrow.
Because if you think Spurs' season has been a nightmare, just look at how Thursday's Europa League opponents fare.
Christian Ilzer's side have recorded just seven wins from their 27 games in all competitions this season.
Rival fans might have a good laugh at Spurs' perilous league record at the moment.
But few believe they will actually be relegated – although the same cannot be said for Hoffenheim.
The Germans were winless in nine games, having scored just THREE times in those games, before Saturday's much-needed 3-1 win over drop zone rivals Holstein Kiel.
They are three points above the dotted line in the Bundesliga after that huge win in their six-pointer, which came courtesy of an epic X-rated tirade from club striker Andrej Kramaric.
The 33-year-old, who is in his tenth season at Hoffenheim, cracked after last Wednesday's 5-0 thrashing of Harry Kane at Bayern Munich: “This is a big, bad season, I'm going to be honest.
“And I am still soft, because if I want to tell the truth and say some things that concern me about the club and the situation, I will probably receive the biggest punishment in the history of the Bundesliga.”
England fans may remember Kramaric from the heartbreaking World Cup semi-final defeat to Croatia in 2018, when the striker went into extra time.
He also scored the opener as Gareth Southgate's Three Lions exacted revenge with a 2–1 win in the Nations League a few months later.
Three years earlier, the 102-cap forward had a brief spell at Leicester – including during their historic title-winning campaign – but if you blinked you might have missed it.
In January 2015 he was picked up by Rijeka for £9.5 million. A month later there was a four-match spell where he kept Foxes legend Jamie Vardy out of the team – but that didn't last long.
He scored just three goals in the second half of the season but was frozen out by boss Claudio Ranieri in the following unforgettable season.
Kramaric played just two league games during the season that saw Leicester shock the world, both from the bench, falling well short of the required ten to win a medal.
In January he was loaned to Julian Nagelsmann's Hoffenheim and has remained there ever since.
Kramaric has enjoyed European football – including the Champions League – as a regular player in almost half of his seasons at the German club.
That explains why he is so outraged by their shortcomings in this mandate.
His striking comments went down well with frustrated fans, but less so at board level or in the locker room.
One of Kramaric's concerns was that the club had “invested so much money for nothing”, having spent £56 million on eight players this season – the fifth highest expenditure in the Bundesliga.
Slaughtering your new teammates and those they bought seemed risky, but after 309 appearances and 109 goals, Kramaric clearly felt he deserved to speak his mind.
None of the incoming goals were hits, with defender Robin Hranac and forward Haris Tabakovic particularly poor.
That wasn't helped by many of them being signed by an interim sporting director in Frank Kramer, who briefly took up his role as academy manager.
Former Spurs target Gift Orban arrived this month under the new recruitment team but is not yet considered fit enough to play Ilzer's lung-busting style of play.
Like Postecoglou, Austrian Ilzer prefers an intense, pressing game and while it worked in his first match (a 4-3 win over RB Leipzig) it has been disastrous for most of this season.
Kramaric has threatened to go “a little harder” with his criticism if things don't improve, which is hard to imagine given his comments so far.
So, astonishingly, Hoffenheim are in even more trouble than Spurs in tonight's match.
But as any traveling fan of the German language might say: 'Doktor Tottenham wird Sie jetzt empfangen'.
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